Tom's Story

Tom has moved in with his daughter and her family. Things have not gone smoothly. His son-in-law calls Tom stupid and lazy and threatens to get rid of him and take his money unless he shuts up. Tom does not feel safe around his son-in-law and he is afraid that he will lose his money. 

• Is Tom being abused by his son-in-law?
• What are some indicators of emotional or psychological abuse?
• What does the law say about emotional or psychological abuse?
• What can Tom do to prevent his son-in-law from taking his money now and in the future?

The characters and events depicted in this scenario are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Is Tom being abused by his son-in-law? 

Yes, Tom is being abused. His son-in-law is making threats and intimidating him and this is considered mental cruelty which is a form of emotional or psychological abuse. It is abuse, not bad behaviour on the son-in-law's part. 

What are some indicators of emotional or psychological abuse? 

Indicators of psychological or emotional abuse:

• becoming passive, withdrawn, agitated, anxious
• depression
• unusual weight gain or loss
• unexplained paranoia
• reluctance to talk openly
• making inconsistent statements
• appearing nervous around family members or trusted relations
• waiting for caregiver to respond to questions
• notable behavioural changes including avoiding eye contact
• low self-esteem
• difficulty sleeping or needing excessive sleep
• making excuses for social isolation
• feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
• difficulty visiting, calling, or contacting an older person by other family or friends

NOTE: Some of these indicators may be present and the older adult is not being abused; these are merely possible indicators of abuse.

What does the law say about emotional or psychological abuse? 

The law does not fully address the issue of psychological or emotional abuse of adults in terms of making it criminal behaviour. However, some actions can be criminal offences. For example:

• threatening to apply force to someone if that person beleives that the abuser has the ability to carry out the act can amount to the crime of attempted assault;
• threatening behaviour that causes another person to reasonably fear for his or her safety can amount to the crime of criminal harrassment; and
• threatening to kill or physically harm someone; to burn, destroy, or damage property, or to kill, poison, or injure an animal or bird belonging to the victim can amount to the crime of uttering threats.

Depending upon the circumstances of the threats made to Tom by his son-in-law, any or all of the above offences might apply.

Even though Tom is living in his son-in-law's house, he could apply for an emergency protection order. This means that his son-in-law would have to leave the property, at least for a while. This might give Tom some time to find another place to live, perhaps with the help of a social service agency. For more information on the types of protection orders that are available in such situations, see here.

Tom probably does not want to lay criminal charges against his son-in-law. However, there may be times when a more passive approach does not work and he may have to become involved in the criminal justice system. It may not be realistic to lay criminal charges while Tom is living in his daughter's home. Other agencies can assist Tom in this situation. Perhaps there is a shelter for seniors close by. For more information on where to get further help see our page of Additional Resources. 

What can Tom do to prevent his son-in-law from taking his money now and in the future? 

Tom should make sure that he does not give his son-in-law access to his bank accounts or credit cards. Tom should seek independent advice before signing anything that his son-in-law asks him to sign.

Tom could also look into getting three legal documents prepared for future decisions. These documents will explain how he wants his personal and financial matters handled if he becomes unable to make decisions, and how his property should be distributed when he dies. The three important documents are as follows. 

• For financial matters he will need an Enduring Power of Attorney - a legal document whereby Tom gives authority to another person or persons to act on his behalf in relation to his financial matters if he is no longer able to make a decision because of mental incapacity or infirmity or at a time indicated in the document. For information on enduring powers of attorney, see here. 
• For health and other personal matters, he will need a Personal Directive - a legal document stating who can be appointed to make decisions about his health and other personal matters should he become no longer able to make such decisions. For more information on personal directives, see here. 
• For the distribution of his assets and property he will need a Will - a legal document stating how and by whom he wants his estate to be settled upon his death. For more information on wills, see here. 

The audio version of Tom's story is coming soon.

Have you read the other stories?

• Bill - Physical Abuse
• Eileen - Financial Abuse
• Jenny - Planning for the Future

Do you want to know more about abuse?